The first week of coming off the alcohol was awful. The only way I can describe it is like a horrendous bout of flu, not a cold, but proper FLU! My body ached, my head pounded constantly, I sweated, I shook, I vomited and I physically hurt. I had to literally hold onto the mattress on my bed to stop myself getting out of bed in the middle of the night to go and buy alcohol. The craving was horrendous. I had nightmares, I felt like I was dying. Then on the fifth day I woke up and I felt amazing. The headache that I had lived with for years, but never even realised I had was gone. The diarrhoea that I had for years had stopped. I felt as if I suddenly had a veil lifted off me.
From that point on it was about living as an ex-drinker. The physical cravings were gone. The mental cravings would take longer to beat. With the help of AA I attended 90 meetings in 90 days. I had to get the support from people who knew what it was like to go through the pain of alcoholism. It was also in the middle of the break in the football season, which helped me immensely. I knew that I wasn't going to be tempted into pubs before the game which in the early days of my recovery would have been impossible to deal with. When the season started again I had to change my routine on match days. That meant having to change who I was meeting with before games too. I still liked my friends, but the temptation was too much. Funnily enough now I still see these people at the match, but have made a whole new set of friends that I go to the game with now.
After a while I found I was able to start going back to the pubs pre-match. That took time though. Initially when I went back into the bars I couldn't stand the smell of stale beer. It made me feel sick. Now I don't notice it that much. I also don't find not drinking alcohol as hard to take. Don't get me wrong, there are times when I think "Oh I would love a pint of bitter" or whatever, but I know that what I have gained from sobriety matters much more than the taste of beer. I can go out now, drink soft drinks and have such a good time without them. I've been to festivals, derby matches and parties and have enjoyed myself as much, if not more than when I was drinking.
Proud to be a Tyne Bridge Harrier!
Anyway, on to the fitness front. My legs suffered after the 10k last weekend. I don't know if it was the terrain, the actually race itself or the driving to and back from Leeds in less than 24 hours but my hamstrings suffered. On Tuesday the Tyne Bridge Harriers had their final winter Grand Prix run, a 5k around the Quayside in Newcastle. I ran down to the start point and nearly decided to pull out due to the tight feeling in my thighs. However I decided to go for it, and 3 miles has never felt as hard for a long time. I ran it in 36.29 mins, but it felt like a struggle. I tried some stretching on the Tuesday night and Wednesday but the Thursday night run felt hard too. So I decided I needed to rest, and not do the Parkrun in Newcastle on the Saturday and do a longer, slower run on the Sunday.
I aimed for a 7.5 to 8 mile run on the Sunday, which would be my longest run to date. Despite it being quite foggy when I got to Tynemouth it was already warm. However I noticed straight away that my legs felt so much fresher than they had on the Thursday and was able to run more freely. I love being able to run and get my head into that relaxed zone, where I work through any stresses and get time to chill out. Before I knew it I had reached the four mile point, just before St Mary's Lighthouse and turned to run back.
As I was running back I was passed by Denise, Vikki and Jude from the Harriers who all offered me supportive words. It's amazing how great having others acknowledge your effort on a run can feel. Whether its someone shouting at you, a few words as they pass, a thumbs up or a nod of the head the message really helps you along. My legs started feeling the effort by mile 6, and I needed to get some inspiration. I thought about how David Rathband had managed to overcome his injuries and run when he was still recovering. I also thought about how Kath, Ash and Mia had been through so much and that helped keep my legs going. It brings it home to you how lucky you are at times like this.
Just after that a car pulled up alongside me, and at first I wasn't sure what was going on but then saw that Denise, Vikki and Jude were yelling support for me from the car! That was so brilliant, it was as if I had been given a carbs boost. I knew then that I would get back to Tynemouth and focused on that. I can't explain how I felt as I passed the priory at Tynemouth and knew I had ran 8 miles for the first time ever in my life. You definitely get an endorphin rush when you run, but the achievement of being able to run and the massive changes that have happened in my life in the last 2 years 8 months hit me. I have raised nearly £1000 in the last 18 months, and am only £36 away from raising £500 for the NSPCC when I do the Great North Run in September. I had to sit in my car for a little while and just take in what I've done and the belief and support I've had from my friends and family. Thank you all.
I know I still have a long way to go. I'll keep drawing inspiration from people like Mark Allison (aka Rungeordierun), Ivan and Nadine who are raising funds for the Children's Heart Unit at the Freeman Hospital, and the Rathband family and I'm going to reach my goals for everyone who has shown that they believe in me. I'm not going to let you down!
