13.1 miles or bust

Ahhh depression, my arch nemesis. You stride into my life again! Yup, just as I thought things were going hunky dory then my little black rain cloud found me for another week or so of trying times. I knew that it was basically a time for me to lick my wounds for a little while, take it easy and then power back into real life and get on with it.

I got all my exam results back and passed my first year at University. To say I am proud of that is an understatement. I was dreading an August return for resits as it would clash with the bairns' summer holidays and revision would be nigh on impossible with the children around. But I passed all exams and can now relax over the summer and recharge the batteries ready for September and year 2.

The running took a back seat for the week where I didn't feel too well. I was elated after the Blaydon Race and had hoped to capitalise on a great run with some more excellent training, but when you haven't got the energy to do much more than drag yourself out of bed each day running has to take a spell on the back burner.

However I managed to try a run last Tuesday, got half a mile into it, felt my nose running and went to wipe it. I was surprised to see blood, and then realised that I was having the mother of all nosebleeds for no apparent reason. There was no stopping the blood and I knew my run was going to be postponed when someone on a bike asked me if I was going to be ok. When I got back home I looked as if I had survived the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. No point in keeping the t-shirt, into the bin it went, and off I went into the shower.

The next day I went out again. This time there was no Freddy Kruger victim impressions, just a nice 5km run to get me back into the swing of running and I knew I felt much better. I found myself agreeing to attempt a 13.1 mile run on the Saturday as part of the Longest Day Run event.  The next day I got a solid 5 mile run in and felt great.

I felt the nerves kick in on the Friday night, what the heck had I agreed to do? My longest run so far was 8 miles and that was a couple of months ago. What made me think I could run 13.1 miles yet? I went to Sweatshop in the Metrocentre and bought some gels and some lucozade Jelly beans to try out on my run. I was happy to see a Blue Lamp Foundation collection tin in the shop too.

I was up bright and early on the Saturday Morning and headed to Byker Pool to meet my running partners Graham and Brian. Graham is running 2012 miles in 2012 for the Tony Blair Foundation and is an all round nice guy to boot. I had only met Brian once before but he seemed like a friendly chap, although for some reason I thought he was called Billy all day and kept calling him that, lol.

We set off at a very easy pace. From the Pool we headed down towards the River Tyne and along the Quayside, past the Millenium, Tyne and Swing Bridges and along the front of the Copthorne Hotel before heading up towards the Scotswood road through the business park. Four miles were already in the bag, and I took one of the energy gels I had bought. My goodness, they are an aquired taste!

As we were running along the Scotswood road I would love to say that I remembered the Blaydon Race from the previous blog posting, but seeing as I couldn't see a blooming thing on that run due to the rain I couldn't. The lads were great company, chatting, keeping the mileage updated and being really positive.

Up and over the Scotswood bridge, and onto the south side of the Tyne. We were closing in on the half way point and I can't think of a time I have been as happy to set foot on the south side of the river. We had broken the back of the run now, we were heading back towards Newcastle and here was the time to dig in and run.

We passed the Metro Centre, all chewed a few lucozade jelly beans, and headed into Dunston. I found that I had a claggy mouth, due to the gels and the lucozade isotonic drink I was supping and so we had a 2 minute pit stop while Graham bought a bottle of water. I knew I needed water as I had been fantasising about soda water for the past half a mile, while Brian said he was looking forward to a Strongbow!

I then found that it's easy to just keep running than trying to restart after a brief stop. I can only describe it as trying to get an old motorbike to start again. After a brief splutter my legs started again, and we headed along to the riverside. I could see the bridges up ahead and knew that we would be around the 10 mile mark when we got to the swing bridge.

My legs were still feeling ok at this point, breathing fine, but I knew I was starting to feel a bit tired. I was now concentrating on the end of the run rather than just enjoying the run, as I had been up to that point. We ran along the south side of the river, along passed the Sage and then across the Millenium bridge. More water was needed and we had a quick stop at the Tesco behind the court. Then off towards the back of the Copthorne Hotel, and 11 miles was clocked up. I told Graham not to tell me how far we had run until we got to 12 miles, as I was starting to really struggle now.

Along the Quayside once again, past the swing bridge, under the Tyne bridge, passed the Pitcher and Piano and the Millenium bridge again. Passed the 12 mile mark. And then disaster. My head said "NO MORE!" We were at 12.3 miles, less than a mile to go and I had stopped. My legs felt like lead, my head was saying "You can't go on" I felt like crying. Graham and Brian came back and really gave me a good pep talk. I just had to tell myself that I could do it. Less than a mile. HOWAY THE LASS!!!

And with determination from somewhere, I don't know where, I put one foot in front of the other. I dug deep and just let the lads go in front of me. They kept calling back to me, but I wasn't really sure what was being said, I was just in a place where there was just me, just one foot in front of the other, each step getting me closer to the end of the run. And then Graham and Brian had created a finish line and said "All the way across the line" and as I staggered past them I realised I had done it! 13.1 miles! I had made it!

A look at Brian's Garmin told me a time of 2 hours 54 mins and 27 seconds. Under 3 hours! I couldn't believe it! For a lass who couldn't run for more than 30 seconds at a time last August finishing my first half marathon distance run was mind-blowing. And I have 3 months until the Great North Run to improve my time.

Graham and me after finishing the 13.1 miles. 

My legs felt like cement from the minute I stopped running. We finished just beside where the Evolution festival is held and had to walk back up the hill to Byker pool, my little legs were screaming out in agony with each step, I could feel blisters on my left foot, one which popped as I was walking back. But I had done it, the elation of completing the longest run of my life made each step bearable. Thank you Graham and (Billy) Brian who carried me, metaphorically, to the finish. I now know that I can do the full half-marathon distance, I now know that come September I WILL finish the Great North Run!

Ohhhh me lads....

Wow, what a busy month I've had. I've completed all my exams at uni and had all the results back bar one and to say I'm delighted with them is an understatement. I've got 3 firsts, two 2.1's and a 2.2. Considering how nervous I felt before them I am really amazed by the results back. I also have a really good idea of where I need to work harder next year.

Running has been a mixed bag this month. The Clive Cookson 10k was an eye-opener. The weather was unbelievably hot and I hadn't felt confident about running the race at all. I have gastritis and duodenitis and had felt poorly for a couple of days before the run. I got to the two and a half mile point and really didn't know if I could get round the course. However I kept going and eventually finished. The reception I got from my running club, Tyne Bridge Harriers, was amazing. My friend, Tony, ran the last part of the run with me shouting me on. It meant so much. I didn't even know what time I finished in as I had stopped my watch at the two and a half mile point. I felt like it had taken forever. I found out the next day that I had ran the course in 1hr 21 mins. I was pleased in a way, my first ever 10k was 1hr 19 mins and this was only my 3rd ever 10k. However I know I can do way better than that.

I reached 2 years 10 months sober in the last couple of weeks. In February 2011 I took part in Victoria Derbyshire's radio show on BBC5 live speaking about alcoholism. Victoria had a recap show with a doctor called "Rachel" who I am delighted to say is now 3 months sober and I was invited back to speak to "Rachel" and update everyone on how I was doing. I had the opportunity to sit and reflect on how far my life has come in the last year.

Since that show I have lost 4 stone in weight. I applied for and got accepted at University. I started running in August. I joined the running club. These are massive things, and add on top of that living with a mental health condition which affects my mood, cyclically, suffering from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, social anxiety, boughts of agoraphobia, noise sensitivity and then also being a single parent to three amazingly brilliant but demanding children and I have to admit I had a few tears. But they are tears of happiness. I know that I am being the best I can be, rather than making excuses for my behaviour and using alcohol and self-harm as a crutch. I've found coping strategies for my agoraphobia, noise sensitivity and social anxiety when they hit, and am managing to live a life which is a lot less isolated because of them.

One of the races that I have been waiting for since I decided to take up running was held at the weekend. As everyone knows (well you do now, if you didn't before) I am a proud Geordie. I entered the Blaydon Race back in February. Places in this race are like hens teeth. They sell out in a day. I had already bought a weekend ticket for the Download Festival but said if I got in then I would sell my festival ticket to do the run. And I got in!

So festival ticket sold I then had to wait for the run. And on the 9th June I was a mix of nerves and excitement. I got myself ready, put a water bottle in the fridge to be really cold for after the run, and left it there, not realising until I got to Newcastle. I met up with my running friends and my friends Karen and Graham pre-race. This was the 150th anniversary of the Blaydon Race in Geordie Ridley's song and it was going to be special.

There were can-can dancers, and the crowd roared "The Blaydon Races" song. I had goosepimples on my arms and the hairs on the back of my neck were stood up. I have never experieced anything like it. As we lined up outside Bambra's bar the heavens opened and we had rain of biblical proportions. I literally couldn't see two foot in front of me. The water was pouring down Scotswood Road and had an ark with a bearded bloke and two of every animal sailed past me down the Tyne I wouldn't have been surprised.

I don't know if it was the rain, the atmosphere or me just feeling so confident but I was feeling great. I did the first 5km in 32 mins and 3 seconds, though I couldn't see my Garmin to know that. I just knew I wanted to run. Although the rain had kept most of the crowds away there were still plenty of people on the Scotswood bridge to cheer us on. While others were walking up the incline I ran. The training at the running club was paying off.

Having not ran the race before I wasn't sure of where the end was. I could see a big blue "thing" up ahead which I presumed was the finish line so I put a burst of speed in. Only to find it was the car wash roof, oops! However I knew I wasn't that far away. As the race came to an end the two lads I passed with my burst of speed passed me back and I finished just behind them! Bit of a tactical mix-up there kidda.

I stopped my watch on the line, but wasn't able to see what the time was that I had finished in because of the rain on my glasses. I was completely soaked through. After getting my goody bag and my amazing t-shirt I saw my friends, one (who shall remain nameless to spare blushes) may not have won the race but would have won the wet T-shirt competition, lol. My other friend, Karen, looked at my Garmin and announced that I had finished in 66 mins 32 seconds!!!! I couldn't believe it. I had smashed the 70 minutes I had wanted to finish in.

Waiting for the bus back to Newcastle I met a couple of people that I know from Twitter and the lovely Kevin McClernon, who won the Biggest Loser this year. The night was completed with an evening's entertainment Geordie Beer Hall style, oompah band and traditional Geordie Fayre to boot! Brilliant! I don't often go out for the evening, as I can suffer from panic attacks in bars and crowded places but I loved being out, a sign that things are definitely looking up. Viva la vida!