Another chapter written.

It's 7 weeks until the Great North Run. It's hard to imagine that. Time has flown so quickly since the start of the year, when the half marathon seemed so far away. Last weekend saw my last 10k before the Great North Run, when I completed the Great North 10k around Gateshead and the south side of the Quayside. I wanted to push for a new 10k PB as I had felt so strong in my previous runs.

The organisation in Great Run races always seems to be spot on. From race numbers with your names printed on, information in booklets with course maps, travel details and clear sign posting on the day, to plenty of friendly marshals and a blooming marvellous goody bag at the end their races might seem more expensive than others of similar distances but you do get a lot for your money.

The race started outside Gateshead International Stadium. I knew quite a few people who were doing the run but saw only a couple of faces before hand. One of those was my good friend, and inspiration, Graham Smith who is aiming to run 2012 miles in 2012. He has been struggling with an injury recently and I hoped he had a good run around the course.

When we went to line up there was the usual aerobic style warmup. I really don't like these. My coordination is pretty poor and I can guarantee while everyone else is going left I'll be going right, or something daft like that. So I decided to have a quick jog around the back of the section. There were several lasses who obviously needed to powder their noses pre-race but rather than risk missing the start had just walked to the back of the starting section, whipped their shorts down and were watering the grass verges. I can't say it's something I would fancy doing myself but if you need to go I guess you need to go.

The race was set off in different groups so that the faster runners weren't held back by the plodders. We were "entertained" by someone from the local radio station before it was our time to go. By the time we were about to start it had just started to rain but the sky was promising it would just be a shower so it wasn't going to be a repeat of the Blaydon Swim Race. We set off and it wasn't half a mile in before I was passing people who were walking already. The course wound its way through a lovely industrial type park before heading down to the River Tyne. I wasn't wearing headphones today as I wanted to try and take in the atmosphere by the river and while I had my Garmin on I had promised myself I wouldn't look at it until close to the end. Even so I knew that my first mile seemed fast but not to a point where I was uncomfortable.

We got to the riverside right by the Baltic Art Gallery and I suddenly heard people shouting my name. It was my friends, Alison and Jos who had brought their families down to cheer me on. It's such a massive boost to have people cheering for you. I ran on past the millennium bridge and past the Tyne Bridge when someone tapped on my shoulder. I was wearing a sign that comes with the number for the race saying that I had lost over 4 stone in weight. Someone behind me had read it and was congratulating me. It wasn't long before someone else did the same thing again. And again. In total about 7 or 8 people congratulated me mid-run for losing weight and running. It certainly put a massive spring in my step.

Just before the 5k point the course turned back along the way it had come and we were heading back past the Swing Bridge, the Tyne Bridge, past the Sage building and back along past the Baltic. Again my friends Alison and Jos were putting their massive voices to good use, and I also saw Micky, my coach from Tyne Bridge Harriers.

After hi-5'ing Jos I headed along back towards the stadium. I was feeling really strong until the 8k point. I don't know whether it was the weather, the course or just fatigue but I knew I was starting to find it harder and I had the dreaded hill to come. When I looked later I was on for completely smashing my PB up until the last mile. Then I had a shocker. In the last km there is a hill which is a killer when your legs are zapped I just couldn't get myself up that hill running and I ended up walking. I was furious with myself! There were definitely some swear words used as I stomped up the incline. Once I got to the top I had to start running again, and my hips were feeling stiff. But I was determined to get across that line. Powered on by anger or frustration or something I kept putting one foot in front of the other. A lass was struggling outside the stadium and I spoke to her and said "come on pet, run with me." Entering the stadium was great, I immediately spotted my mam, eldest daughter and my brother who were there to cheer me home. It's amazing to know you are running on the same track as so many running greats, and rounding the bend with less than 150m to go I said to the lass, "Howay, it's just a Usain Bolt distance now." With about 30 metres or less to go we grabbed each others hands and crossed the line together. I had missed a PB by 18 seconds and was annoyed at first but then realised that I had done it. Another 10k under my belt!

At the water point I saw Rob and Anji from Tyne Bridge Harriers who were helping out, which was lovely, although I did try and concuss Rob by hitting him with a full water bottle when giving him a hug. Sorry Rob! And so I have the pride of completing another race. Wearing another T-Shirt that shows I have done it, getting another medal which I'll keep forever (I do love a medal).

Who gave the idiot a foil blanket!

Friday saw the biggest occasion of the year for me so far. On Friday 27th July I reached 3 years sober. I've spoken about my drinking before. How hard it was to stop. How life has changed since I made that decision. But this year was different. When I mentioned that the date was coming up my friend Elaine organised a party for me. It was so lovely that my friends wanted to celebrate my sobriety with me. We went to Mamma Mia's in Newcastle, had a great meal, a fantastic laugh and I spent time with people who mean so much to me. Life is barely recognisable from what it was 3 years ago. I feel healthier, I feel stronger, I feel that I have people in my life who genuinely care about me. It's not about dulling the senses with alcohol, it's not about pushing the self destruct button randomly. Life is now about making a success of myself, having goals that I'm achieving and enjoying the time I have with my girls and my friends and family. Life is precious.

Achieving so much

What a week I've had. It's been amazing!

Firstly I have got my eating well back on track. I had to make a massive effort to control what I was eating, as I was letting food slip back into my diet that I shouldn't have. Because I've got my head back in the game I have lost 6lbs this week. I know that the weight loss is as important as anything else in this journey and it's about getting everything in synch.

After last week's parkrun PB and I have managed to get 19.76 miles under my running belt. With Tyne Bridge Harriers I have been able to concentrate on being able to run better. It's about quality running, I have gone now from sounding like a bust set of bagpipes to being able to hold a conversation while running. It's not the talking though that's the good thing, although it is nice to be able to put the world to rights when you're out on a run, it's the breathing that has been the important thing. I can see that my heart and lungs are coping better with the exertion of exercising. That is a fantastic thing to know.

On Saturday I went to the Newcastle Parkrun again, as the Tyne Bridge Harriers were running their last winter parkrun grand prix race there. The pacesetters were out this week, basically people running the course in a specific time, and I was determined I was going to chase the 35 minute pacesetter as much as I could. I was determined to get a new PB this week. The first two miles seemed to go quite quickly, well quickly for me, but the last mile was a killer. There is a ferocious crosswind on the Town Moor, even on a non-windy day and I felt at times like I was taking one step forward and two back. However with less than half a kilometre to go Micky from running club became my personal cheerleader, I could hear him shouting at me to keep going all the way to the end, and he definitely helped me to dig in and get to the end and as I crossed the line I had taken a massive 46 seconds off this week, a new 5k time of 36.03 minutes. Looking at the photos taken later on I definitely looked worse for wear, pale and interesting as my mam would say.

I've decided that for the next few parkruns I am going to concentrate on just running them, rather than aiming for PB's. My pace is improving all the time, I know I can get better too with practice and help from the running club, but I don't want to push too hard to quickly.

On Sunday I had decided to break the mental barrier of the 10k. I am doing the Age UK Wrap up and Run 10k on Mothering Sunday and there is no way I wanted to go into that without having managed the 10k distance, because I knew I would doubt my ability. One of the lasses from running club, Davina, said she would come along with me on the run. Davina is brilliant. She is a lot like me, as in we don't have the stereotypical runners' build, but we do have bags of determination, we're stubborn and we are going places.

We met at Tynemouth and the sun was shining beautifully. It really felt like spring.

Starting at the Priory we just set off and ran, the aim not being the pace, but getting that 10k barrier shattered. Having the lovely Davina with me really helped me. We chatted about all sorts of stuff and it felt great to be able to talk about why I am running, what I want to achieve, what she has achieved and basically keeping each other motivated.

I got to 3.5miles out and turned back (Davina needed a quick pit stop to powder her nose so I had run a little way on my own). I felt really great, strong and happy. Then I got to the Surf shop at Tynemouth and my legs felt like cement. Without Davina there telling me she wasn't going to let me stop I probably would have started to just walk, but I managed to keep on going. Getting to the corner just past the Grand Hotel and I felt like all the heaviness had gone in my legs. It was if the knowledge of being on the home strait had energised me, and I finished feeling stronger. I was delighted to see that not only had I broken the 10k barrier, I had absolutely smashed it! 11.3k in total! ELEVEN POINT THREE K!!!

I now feel like I can go to Leeds on Sunday and I will manage the 10k, because I know I can run even further than that! Getting that 10k wall smashed down has been brilliant!

This week is planned to get a little bit of running in with Tyne Bridge Harriers and plenty of rest too. I'm still keeping my eating on track and hope to have another nice weight loss for next week. All in all I'm feeling so positive and motivated, and ready to take on the world.

Reflections

Last week the doctor put me on Zopiclone for alternate nights and it has made a huge difference. To be able to sleep has been fantastic. It has helped me to be able to battle the mood swings and deal with the anxiety a lot better. I am also feeling that although there are times which are hard I have the strength to battle them. 

So I've decided to reflect on what I have done this year and focus on what I aim to do next year. At the start of 2011 I wasn't sure where I was going with my life. I had spent 3 months in hospital with abdominal problems which required 3 lots of surgery before they realised it was my gall bladder. This had left me feeling really depressed, and I got a new care co-ordinator to help me with my ongoing mental health and other problems that stem from Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. 

One of the main things I wanted to tackle was my weight though. I was so unhappy at being the weight I was, it was the heaviest I have ever had. I knew I had to do something about it. This was me at my heaviest, I was so unhappy with how much I weighed. 

And so with the help of my very good friend and motivator Mark Allison and the lads at David Fairlamb fitness  I embarked on my weight loss journey, raising over £520 for Mental Health Matters on the way. I have lost over 3 stone since Easter, and decided that I wanted to give myself a health goal too, and so entered the Great North Run 2012 running for the NSPCC. In October I ran my first ever 5k fun run, in a fairly respectable time of 36 mins 37 seconds which I was absolutely delighted with! 

I am due to run my second 5k run in Edinburgh in the Great Winter Run on January 8th, and have several 10k runs booked in before next September's big one. With help from my magnificent friends and family I have raised nearly half of my sponsorship goal already on my just giving page. I can't believe the financial support I have received, but what means so much more than that is the incredible moral support I have had from my mates. They have shown me that they believe in me and that is what keeps me going. 

This isn't only with the running and fitness though. When depression has hit me they have been there for me, with little messages of support, even when they themselves have been hurting, this was illustrated no more clearly than when Gary Speed tragically left us. At that point I was already struggling with an episode of depression, and even through they themselves were dealing with the shock and grief of losing a hero, I had friend's sending me messages asking how I was coping. I appreciate that so much, I can't even put it into words. However, it wasn't just at this tragic time when I found support. Messages on twitter urging me on meant so much to me, just to know that they cared. Thank you, it has really helped me so much.

And so I am now looking into 2012 and I have set myself some goals for the coming 12 months. I am half way through my first year at University studying Criminology, after receiving 4 unconditional offers. So I want to get my first year completed. Secondly I want to get to my goal weight in 2012. Thirdly I want to achieve my Great North Run goal. I am sure with the continuing help and support from my brilliant friends and family, and also the help from David Fairlamb and his team I will get there and when I reflect on 2012 I want to feel as happy as I feel reflecting on 2011!